Today is not a good day for me. It is a GREAT DAY for panic. Panic loves today. LOVES IT. I have been experiencing this current panic attack for about an hour now. I am tired! You won, panic. Now get the eff out.
But no, the panic doesn't leave until I've freaked out in a full blown attack. This has been a slow burn attack because thanks to years of teaching myself to cope I have forgotten how to let go and just let the terror take over and dissolve on its own. Instead I am currently stuck in stasis, rationalizing my chest pain, naming the disconnected feeling as brain chemical imbalance, forcing myself to breathe deeply and ultimately failing terrifically at helping this thing to pass.
I feel like shit, is what I'm trying to get at.
I tried to take my mind off it. I tried watching TV. I stretched and did some yoga. I made a flippin' casserole! I DO NOT EVEN WANT A CASSEROLE, YOU GUYS. But it was something to do and now my oven is filled with brown rice / lentil pot-o-stuff. I will soon grate cheese for my unwanted casserole in yet another attempt to FUCKING GET OVER IT.
I need pills or something, dudes. I need to get my brains medicated because this is just not cutting it anymore.
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