What gives?

To all the women who've moved far, far away from their parents and are doing ok: I hope you know that I love you, that I am you, and that if you ever need any moral support I am here. Not that I have much to offer but you know.

Tell me about your boyfriend and I guarantee I have had one like him. Tell me about your job and I bet we can find common ground. Tell me about you and I know that I will find myself in your world and you in mine.

Tell me.

What are you hoping to find?

I have never had keyword searches turn up anything even mildly interesting on my stats report. Oh yeah, I'm tracking you. How do you feel about that America? A little creeped out? Imagine me whispering it in your ear right before you go to take a sip of your coffee. I'm tracking you. Fucking creepy. Things that have brought people here that made me giggle:

- make your own mexican jumping bean: I am pretty sure you need to put a bug in a bean for that to happen. Good luck! I hope I helped.
- tyrannosaurus wrecks the movie: Dude. IMPOSSIBLE. Movies can only benefit from the addition of a big effing dinosaur.
- cutting a tyrannosaurus: I have a Michael Jackson style wrists tied together knife fight scene in my head, man vs tyrannosaur, and man's odds do not look good. I advise not trying this.

Most people have ended up here because of Kevin Federline. Should I thank him? My world has now been flipped upside down. I hope you're happy, Italy.